Conflicts

I'm going through a period of conflicts. My day to day life is great and my husband and I just found out he got a consulting gig in Stamford so that we can carpool now (we met & fell in love in a carpool so this is good).

But my conflicts are more superficial and spiritual in nature. I love my job:It is straight forward and the company is great to work for but I am conflicted about its global impact. Also, when we were in California, I wanted to buy something that would remind me of the trip. Everything I found seemed to be stolen from nature or something I wanted to steal from nature such as a beautiful stone or desert sand. Now, I return home and now want to create an outdoor space, a retreat where I can live and spend my weeknights and weekends for the next 4 months. But, I am conflicted by the desire to 'consume' a table that is made of teak. I feel selfish by thinking that one person can't make an impact when I know that is not true. One person doing something or rather, not doing something does deflect making an impact. I want to walk lightly on this planet but I want to do it while being cute and comfortable.

So, I continue working here, came home from my trip with the pictures below and am looking out my kitchen window at a big, vacant patio.